"Give it to a kid."

Humans are desperately stupid, awful things. For instance, when an adult human catches a foul ball or home run in a baseball stadium, it more often than not finds the nearest juvenile human and hands it to them. Desperately stupid and awful. 

Stay with me a minute. I know you want to argue that this is one of the nicer things humans do. 

No it's not. 

This behavior is a 21st century shibboleth for 'juvenile humans are precious iddle things'; the sort of idiotic magical thinking that infests society across all belief systems and creeds. Even sensible humans who know the species is a shitty teeming cesspool of malice have this ridiculous idea that newborn humans are somehow perfect. Unspoiled. Like the dopey truism that babies 'have to be taught racism' and such. 

No, you stupid fuck. Homo sapiens is spoilage. We are the fucking definition of spoiled. We are a biosphere's accidental lethal threat to itself.  The brand new ones come pre-spoiled. We are life, and life competes. The most successful a species, the bigger assholes they are. Period. Babies are programmed by millions of years' worth of evolution for racism and every other flavor of 'othering'. A few of us, via a belief in 'goodness' and sheer force of will, overcome the programming and 'unspoil' themselves. But the vast majority of us spend our lifetimes honing our shittiness and the masking thereof. 

Unfortunately we are also programmed to find those small meatbags adorable; hence grownups who catch baseballs are typically hounded by the grownups around them, 'Give it to a kid!'

Fuck you all. Give it the fuck to me. I have been to literally hundreds of baseball games and have never left with a caught baseball. If I had caught the homer Addison Barger hit on Friday, June 6, you'd better believe it would have come home with me, not with some panty-shitting toddler who (a) couldn't have fucking cared less about it; (b) won't even fucking remember the moment three years from now; and (c) will probably never in his life follow baseball. 

'Oh, this spheroid? Some sportsball person, Allison Barber or somebody, gave it to me when I was little.'' If the species lasts another 20 years, this kid could be cruising his first gay bar and pick up a hot AF daddy who turns out to be Addison Barger, only he'd never know he was fucking the shit out of the guy who hit the homer in a box in his closet.

All because the asshole who caught the ball (two-handed but clean) went out of his way to look around until he found a small juvenile human he didn't know and jog 20 paces to hand the confused juvenile the ball. A performative capitulation to the prevailing, and monumentally silly, idea that BABIES ARE BETTER.

Desperately stupid and awful.